Category Archives: Discipleship/Formation

Why You Need a PhD in Power and Wise Boundaries

Almost every church, nonprofit organization, and Christian community I know bears deep scars and hurt due to a failure to steward power and set wise boundaries. I was no exception. My understanding of how power affects relationships and the need for wise boundaries was woefully inadequate for many years. I tried to be a good friend and a good “boss,” but I was neither. I lost relationships I treasured that I had spent years building. I didn’t understand two key concepts – stewardship and dual relationships. Every leader exercises stewardship of power, i.e. we have a capacity to influence others. That power is God-given. When we under-use our power out of fear, a need to be liked, or an aversion to conflict, we hurt people. When we over-use our power to manipulate and push, we also hurt people. Exercising power like Jesus requires we know our shadows and vulnerabilities, and build in healthy safeguards.. Read more.

Don’t Quit on Monday!

I had a big day on Sunday – preaching three services, greeting and talking with lines of people, and participating in a lively, 3-hour marriage ministry leadership meeting with four couples till 5 pm. Geri and returned home at 6 pm. My sermon was “finished” by Thursday, but then the 5-hour rule kicked in late Saturday night when I took a final look at the message: Add 5 hours to your sermon prep after you think it is finished. That got me to bed after midnight and up early in the morning. Fortunately, I no longer want to quit on Mondays as in my earlier days. In fact, I woke up excited for the week. I dedicated the morning to a few hours of silence, praying the Psalms, and rereading my highlights of Merton’s Contemplation in a World of Action. How is that possible? I have learned a few things over the years about. Read more.

Family Devotions: A Hard Lesson Learned

Every stage of our life offers us new opportunities to mature- especially in our leadership. One of the most difficult areas to do this, of course, is with our own families. Last month, two of our four daughters set out for an extended time away – one to Spain with her husband for one year, and a second to Australia to work/travel for 1-2 years with her friends. Over the years I have wrestled with the question: How do I respect their independence/separateness (especially in their journey with Christ), while at the same time, keep Jesus as a core value in our family? There is no one “right way” to do devotional time with our children –regardless of their age. So I do have my share of stories about failed “devotional times” with our children at many stages in our family history. But in this case at least, three things bore great fruit. I. Read more.

What We Know and Don’t Know about Bringing EHS to Your Church

We are now in our 20th year of cultivating emotionally healthy spirituality (EHS) into the soil of our local church here at New Life Fellowship in Queens, NYC. It has deepened and enriched every aspect of our life together. In the last two years, however, we have begun to intentionally and carefully bring EHS to the global church. God has brought churches from different languages, cultures, streams, movements, and countries to us looking to integrate EHS into their context. So we are early in our learning process. What do we know to be true? EHS must begin with leadership. When leaders teach EHS without living it, there is little fruit. EHS involves the transformation of an entire church culture; it is not a program. EHS equips the church in a deep, beneath the surface spirituality for the sake of long-term mission. This is a major shift for leaders. The EHS Pathway answers the long-standing. Read more.

My Top 10 Books: Spring/Summer 2015

Geri complained this past week that I had books all around the house – from the living room to the bedroom to the car – reading three to four books at a time. That has been my rhythm for years. If you are like me, you look for a variety of material to peruse during the summer. The following are a few recommendations: 1. The Gospel of John by Frederick Dale Bruner I have been studying and reading John’s gospel for the last 9 months as part of my morning time with God. As part of that process, I prayerfully read this wonderful commentary. Bruner is one of the best commentators I know, combining both great scholarship and devotional passion that leads me to Jesus. I also recommend his 2 volume commentary on Matthew as a must resource in every pastor’s library before preaching on any passage from the synoptic gospels. 2. The Art. Read more.

Go Slowly. Study Deeply. The EH Leader Study Guide.

I wrote The Emotionally Healthy Leader slowly – very slowly. Like good wine, it aged over an eight-year period. During that time I carefully chronicled my mistakes, my struggles, my successes, and my new learnings of applying EHS to the building of a growing church, organization, and team. After twenty years of leading at New Life, I grew tired of relying on unmodified business practices to navigate key leadership tasks. I discovered that simply grafting secular branches into our spiritual root system often caused us to bear the wrong kind of fruit. The Emotionally Healthy Leader breaks new ground in practically applying a deep inner life with Jesus to key leadership tasks as planning, team building, boundaries, endings, and new beginnings. It offers the opportunity to revolutionize the way we lead others. To actually make such a paradigm shift, however, requires we create space to wrestle with the content. For this reason, I dedicated. Read more.

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