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Category Archives: marriage

The Best Way To Help Fathers Be Good Dads

According to a report from New York City’s Mayor’s office called “The Mayor’s Fatherhood Initiative,” more than 24 million children are growing up in homes without a father. In New York City, about 33% of children under 18 years old are growing up in fatherless households (Sadly, the number climbs to 51% among Black and Latino children). They note the effect of fatherlessness as being poor, being in jail, and doing badly in school. What is most shocking are their 3 recommendations – uncover and remove any barriers fathers face in interacting with City agencies, support fathers as they try to be good dads, and assist in the creation of memorable moments between fathers and their children. There was no mention of the best way to help fathers be good dads (and create memorable moments) as marrying and remaining married to their children’s mothers. Interacting with a city agency will never come close to taking. Read more.

Christian Marriage as a Sign and Wonder- Part 1

A pillar of emotionally healthy spirituality is a theology that we lead out of our marriage. This past weekend, Geri and I hosted a marriage weekend with Ron and Kathy Ferrer, founders of Living in Love.The following are a very few of the highlights I hope to integrate more deeply into our marriage and the Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference May 6-8th: 1. Marriage is a life work – a vocation with a mission. We are “sent” by God to our spouse to love passionately, permanently, intimately, totally, and unconditionally. 2. My first call in life is to be living sign of His love to the church/world in my marriage. I am to be present to Geri as God is to me. 3. Christian marriage is meant to be lived in an aura of sexual chemistry and respect. 4. To raise my children in love, I have to make love. 5. When I make what is important to. Read more.

Christian Marriage as a Sign and Wonder- Part 1

A pillar of emotionally healthy spirituality is a theology that we lead out of our marriage. This past weekend, Geri and I hosted a marriage weekend with Ron and Kathy Ferrer, founders of Living in Love.The following are a very few of the highlights I hope to integrate more deeply into our marriage and the Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference May 6-8th: 1. Marriage is a life work – a vocation with a mission. We are “sent” by God to our spouse to love passionately, permanently, intimately, totally, and unconditionally. 2. My first call in life is to be living sign of His love to the church/world in my marriage. I am to be present to Geri as God is to me. 3. Christian marriage is meant to be lived in an aura of sexual chemistry and respect. 4. To raise my children in love, I have to make love. 5. When I make what is. Read more.

Equipping Singles and Marrieds: The Foundation of Transformed Churches

Geri and I have led a small group in our home for 25 of our 26 years at New Life. In fact, we begin our next one this coming week. We take a group of 16-18 people, marrieds and singles, and spend an intensive year together. Why do we do it?  The answer is simple: this is foundational to being a church where people are deeply transformed. Scripture teaches that both Christian singleness and marriage are sacramental vocations and prophetic. They each make visible the invisible reality of our marriage to Christ and are signs of God’s kingdom to a broken world (See Matt. 19:10-12 and Eph. 5:32). This vision is a far cry from both our secular and present church culture. I am daunted by the number and the complexity of issues bearing down on our people – the sexualization of our culture, dating, pornography, homosexuality, divorce, cohabitation, objectification of people, the challenges. Read more.

10 Qualities of an Emotionally Healthy Wedding

Out of the experience of our daughter’s wedding last Saturday, we realized there is such a thing as an “Emotionally Healthy Wedding.”  Here are a few reflections as to what made it such a distinct, rich experience: 1. We Gave a Gift of a Fixed Amount of Money and Let Go. Because this was a gift, they controlled the wedding, not us. There were no strings attached. They made the decisions and asked us for input along the way 2. We Were Aware of and Managed Our Own Anxieties. There were plenty of things to worry about, from 6 inches of rain the day before our outdoor wedding, to the groom’s grandfather dying 4 days before the big day, to other people’s attitudes that were challenging. We paid attention to it and responded appropriately. 3. We Rejoiced. This was not simply a weekend event, or nine months of preparation, but a lifetime of labor in. Read more.

Perfectionism: The Great Killer of Joy

Last Saturday was the wedding of one of my four daughters on a farm in upstate New York. The music, the dancing, the great celebration with family and friends left me breathless. It was one of the most fabulous days of my life. The wedding was also flawed.  Despite 10 months of planning, a great deal of money, and lots of work, the wedding was not perfect. Think about it: All vacations are imperfect. The best church is very imperfect. Every one of our children is imperfect. Our parenting is imperfect. The best employee is imperfect. The best leader whom we idealize is imperfect. The most perfect physical body is imperfect. The most wonderful spouse is imperfect. The greatest love making is imperfect. Do the best you can and let it go. If the whole world were given you, you would still say, “It is too little.” Why? You were made for a perfect. Read more.