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Category Archives: Uncategorized

10 Qualities of an Emotionally Healthy Wedding

After 9 months of planning Pete and I celebrated our daughter’s wedding last Sat. with about 180 guests. Out of that experience we realized there is such a thing as an “Emotionally Healthy Wedding.” Here are a few reflections as to what made it such a distinct, rich experience: 1. We Recognized Our Peerage. Our peerage with Christy had been established years ago. (We have done it with each of our daughters in young adulthood). We were not in a one-up, adult-child relationship. 2. We Clearly Expressed that the Most Important Thing for us was their Premarital Preparation. This was part of our gift to them. 3. We Gave a Gift of a Fixed Amount of Money and Let Go. Because this was a gift, they controlled the wedding, not us. There were no strings attached. They made the decisions and asked us for input along the way. 4. We Recognized the Most Important. Read more.

I Will Quit Living Someone Else's Life

I will pay attention to my personal rhythms for waking, sleeping, playing and working. I will nurture those things that bring me life and minimize that which brings me death. I will put boundaries around everything that breathes. I will follow what is important to me. If I don’t live my one, unrepeatable life it won’t get lived.

Not Giving to Others What We Have Received for Ourselves

Recently, three other New Life staff joined me in attending a Spiritual Formation Academy, bringing home with us varied treasures. Among those riches were the following words from Bernard of Clairvaux: “We must not give to others what we have received for ourselves; nor must we keep for ourselves that which we have received to spend on others. You fall into the latter error, if you possess the gift of eloquence or wisdom, and yet—through fear or sloth or false humility—neglect to use the gift for others’ benefit. And on the other hand, you dissipate and lose what is you own, if without right intention and from some wrong motive, you hasten to outpour yourself on others when your own soul is only half-filled.” – Great Devotional Classics: Selections from the Writings of Bernard of Clairvaux, ed. Douglas Steere (The Upper Room, 1961), p.24. I have been meditating on these lines for the past week. It is true: It may sound selfish. Read more.

I WIll Quit Faulty Thinking

I will not assume I know what others are thinking without checking it out with them. I won’t jump to negative interpretations in my thoughts when I don’t have all the information. I will not take things personally.

I Will Quit Overfunctioning

I will quit doing for others what they can and should do for themselves. I will stop perpetuating their immaturity or my false sense of indispensiblity. When tempted to overfunction I will ask, “why do I want to do this?” I will use my extra time to think about my life’s goals.

I Will Quit Blaming

I acknowledge blaming is a comfortable reaction for me but I realize that I am actually giving away my personal power of choices when I blame. I will take responsibility for my life because no one else is responsible for my life and happiness but me. One of the most mature things a person can do is cross the line from being a blamer to taking responsibility for their lives.