#2 Connection is more important than rules. When they leave the kitchen a mess, don’t clean their rooms, miss the bus, wear attire that’s less than desirable, must have the last word, are sulky, moody or non-talkative, don’t do their chore they way you want, etc, don’t sweat the small stuff. I know that it may not feel like small stuff to you in the moment, but in the realm of what is most important in life it is small potatoes. In the bigger picture it is much more important to stay emotionally connected to them than for you to get your way and get them to follow a rule. It’s not that rules are unimportant. They are. You need, for example, rules for boundaries (they can be angry but no verbal attacks) and rules of engagement (no cell phones at dinner table so we can be present with one another). But do not. Read more.