Tag Archives: differentiation

Sexuality, Leadership and Spirituality

This past weekend Geri and I led another weekend for our small group around sexuality and spiritual formation. Once again, it confirmed to us that our sexuality lies at the heart of our spirituality and walk with Christ. We began this journey in early 1996 when we launched into emotionally healthy spirituality and remain convinced, that “as goes the leader’s sex life, so goes the church.” It is a startling conclusion, especially when we consider the state of discipleship aruond our sexuality in the church today (it is virtually non-existent for married couples). When I read a few months ago, for example, that spouses were encouraged to have sex for 30 days straight in order to improve their marriages, I was aghast. That is very long way from the biblical view of our sexuality, our humanity and God’s purposes. The following are a few thoughts we considered this past weekend: Our sexuality is all. Read more.

You, God and the Christmas Surge

Every year we experience a marked increase of activity around Christmas. We have our own families to attend to (thinking through and buying of gifts), our co-workers and staff, our churches’ additional services and the normal stuff of life (e.g. food shopping, laundry, car break-downs). This time of year only accentuates our need for increased differentiation and less fusion from the forces seeking to shape us. Consider what, I believe, is God’s order for us as we shape our lives and time. 1. God. It was Heidegger who made the distinction between waiting “for” and waiting “upon” Waiting for involves looking for a specific, concrete result. Waiting upon involves allowing insight and direction to emerge, an openness to whatever God has. I spent a good portion of my day alone with God yesterday meditating on Ps. 123:1-2. The most loving thing we can do for those around us is withdraw for our rhythms with God and to wait upon the Lord. Read more.

4 Points to a Centered Life

I am enjoying leading New Life Fellowship Church more than at any time I can remember. It is not related to circumstances as it has been in the past, nor is it short-lived. It is something much deeper. I am not sure of all the reasons, but I know the application of differentiation to pastoring and living has removed much of my anxiety and faulty thinking. The following, adapted from David Schnark, summarizes what I have worked on internally amidst the complexities of life/leadership. 4 Points to Personal Integrity/Differentiation 1. Solid sense of Self in close promixity to important others who pressure you to conform. 2. Regulate your own anxiety (self-soothe). 3. Non-reactive (not indifferent) to other’s anxiety and reactivity. 4. Willingness to tolerate pain for growth. This has helped keep me centered and listening to God each day, and it has made all the difference. What has enabled you to center and listen?

Learning to Lead: Part 2

“If there aren’t specific goals and steps to follow in sequence, there won’t be a goal, only a wish.” Michael Yapko My greatest growing edge in both maturity and spirituality (as if they could be separated) revolves around thinking. Yes – thinking and not following my emotions as I lead NLF, parent, and make decisions. This is, I am finding, easy to understand, but quite challenging to do. It takes time, prudence, patience, and character especially if it is done prayerfully and before the Lord. Proverbs is full of insight on this. It is the sacred, holy work of leadership. Few do it well. It is not simply a skill but a level of character that is required so that I can do appropriate introspection as to motives and past material in my life that is impacting the present. It all comes out in the pressure cooker of leadership. For example, as. Read more.

Learning to Lead: Part 1

I think I am finally learning to lead. I am humbled to say that but it is true. I spent the last two days leading our pastoral staff (eleven of us in total) on our yearly Fall retreat. What was my learning? Simply, it takes a lot of time, thought and prayer to lead an excellent meeting. One can’t skim on preparing. I know. I did for years. This was our best staff retreat in 21 years. Why? I think Ed Freidman said it well: “The overall health and functioning of any organization (or ministry or sub-ministry) depends primarily on one or two people at the top, and this is true whether the relationship system is a personal family, a sports team, an orchestra, a congregation, a religious hierarchy, or an entire nation… It is rather that leadership in families, like leadership in any flock, swarm, or herd is essentially an organic phenomenon. And an organism tends to. Read more.

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