Tag Archives: Leadership

The Road Less Traveled

My recent discussions with pastors and leaders around the release of The Emotionally Healthy Leader with the continued expansion of The EHS Course has brought to light how massive and all-encompassing a paradigm shift EHS is. This is nowhere more evident than in how we define success and make decisions. The faulty belief that “bigger is always better” is deeply embedded in us. We forget that the most important thing is to do God’s will, in his way, in his timetable. How do we do that as leaders? Consider the following chart, adapted from chapter 6 in The Emotionally Healthy Leader to help you start: Let me also invite you to The Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference 2016, April 20-21 (The Leader’s Marriage Conference – April 19), to be equipped more fully on what it will look like to bring this kind of deep, beneath the surface spirituality to you, your leadership and your church.. Read more.

The Hardest Task of a Leader

In this famous story from Luke 10:38-42, we find Martha working to provide the meal for Jesus to eat and Mary sitting at His feet listening to what He has to say. Like us, Martha complains about her workload. Nonetheless, Jesus defends Mary’s act of preference. Every generation of leaders since the first century has written about this passage. Consider Johannes Vermeer’s (1632-1675) painting: I recently reread Thomas Merton’s comments on the Mary/Martha tensions in his address to monks in his book Contemplation in a World of Action (pp.244-250). Allow me to summarize a few of his insights here: The conflict of Mary and Martha is in ourselves. Having sufficient time with Jesus to sustain our doing for Him is, perhaps, the primary tension of every leader. You are not alone. The Holy Spirit invites us to prefer “the apparent uselessness, unproductivity, and inactivity of simply sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening. Read more.

Why You Need a PhD in Power and Wise Boundaries

Almost every church, nonprofit organization, and Christian community I know bears deep scars and hurt due to a failure to steward power and set wise boundaries. I was no exception. My understanding of how power affects relationships and the need for wise boundaries was woefully inadequate for many years. I tried to be a good friend and a good “boss,” but I was neither. I lost relationships I treasured that I had spent years building. I didn’t understand two key concepts – stewardship and dual relationships. Every leader exercises stewardship of power, i.e. we have a capacity to influence others. That power is God-given. When we under-use our power out of fear, a need to be liked, or an aversion to conflict, we hurt people. When we over-use our power to manipulate and push, we also hurt people. Exercising power like Jesus requires we know our shadows and vulnerabilities, and build in healthy safeguards.. Read more.

My #1 Mistake as a Leader

For the first 17 years of my Christian life I grew in knowledge and leadership experience. I worked with university students full-time, graduated from seminary, and started a church. My leadership gifts blossomed. The size and impact of the ministry expanded. The problem was that growing in love was not my number one aim. I focused on bigger, better, and faster – like most of the leaders around me. I wasn’t asking myself: Am I meeker, patient, soft, safe, approachable, courageous, kind, and honest this year than I was last year? Am I less easily triggered under stress? Am I breaking my bad habits from my family of origin (e.g. stuffing resentments, lying when hurt, resolving conflicts poorly, not being attentive)? Are people close to me experiencing me as loving? A revolution took place in my life when I read Jonathan Edward’s sermons on 1 Corinthians 13:1-3. His exegesis and insights launched a Copernican. Read more.

The Pathway to Good Judgment

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. –Will Rogers Every day we make many judgment calls. Some of these are larger than others. Who do I hire or invite to fill a key volunteer position? When do I launch an initiative I am passionate about? Who do I include for counsel on a key decision? When I look back at some of the judgment calls I made in my early years, I am astounded, especially as it related to hiring decisions. How could I have been so blind, so shortsighted, and so unwise? So let me encourage you: Continue your prayerful process of discernment (get wise counsel, move slowly, be clear about expectations, etc.). Do a low risk, “test “run whenever possible. Relax and don’t beat yourself up. You will make mistakes, especially in your first 10-15 years! You will learn good judgment – but it will. Read more.

Family Devotions: A Hard Lesson Learned

Every stage of our life offers us new opportunities to mature- especially in our leadership. One of the most difficult areas to do this, of course, is with our own families. Last month, two of our four daughters set out for an extended time away – one to Spain with her husband for one year, and a second to Australia to work/travel for 1-2 years with her friends. Over the years I have wrestled with the question: How do I respect their independence/separateness (especially in their journey with Christ), while at the same time, keep Jesus as a core value in our family? There is no one “right way” to do devotional time with our children –regardless of their age. So I do have my share of stories about failed “devotional times” with our children at many stages in our family history. But in this case at least, three things bore great fruit. I. Read more.

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