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Tag Archives: marriage

If you are going to marry…

“If you are going to marry,” thundered the speaker to the 17,000 of us attending the Urbana Student Missions Conference, “…make sure you marry someone who doubles your ministry, and doesn’t cut it in half.” Nobody had said it quite that bluntly before but that was the message about marriage that I was taught as a young Christian leader. The focus of my energy became accumulating knowledge and skills. I read books, attended seminars, traveled to conferences, and invested three years of my life in seminary. Marriage was only talked about in the context of helping other couples. Most present-day theology on a leader’s marriage reflects this secular view: I am a leader who happens to be married. The Christian view, however, is very different. We lead out of a marriage that serves as a sign and wonder of God’s love for the world (Ephesians 5:32). Since Geri and I started our emotionally healthy. Read more.

A Prayer for a Passionate Marriage

Last night Geri and I shared God’s vision for Christian marriage (over against secular marriage) with our New Life FIRM small group of 18 people. Among other things, we talked about the necessity of bathing our marriages in prayer if our relationship is to become what God intends. Only God’s power and strength, accessed through prayer, can transform us so that our marriage vocations might become “signs and wonders” of the kingdom of God on earth. I promised our group that I would post the prayer Geri and I pray, separately and together, each day. I often include it in my morning Daily Office. Meditate on it. You may want to memorize it. I don’t necessarily pray these exact words each day, but the rich theology and vision contained here keeps me anchored in God’s high vision for a uniquely Christian marriage. (This is adapted from a pamphlet distributed by the Pastoral and Matrimonial. Read more.

A Prayer for a Passionate Marriage

Last night Geri and I shared God’s vision for Christian marriage (over against secular marriage) with our New Life FIRM small group of 18 people. Among other things, we talked about the necessity of bathing our marriages in prayer if our relationship is to become what God intends. Only God’s power and strength, accessed through prayer, can transform us so that our marriage vocations might become “signs and wonders” of the kingdom of God on earth. I promised our group that I would post the prayer Geri and I pray, separately and together, each day. I often include it in my morning Daily Office. Meditate on it. You may want to memorize it. I don’t necessarily pray these exact words each day, but the rich theology and vision contained here keeps me anchored in God’s high vision for a uniquely Christian marriage. (This is adapted from a pamphlet distributed by the Pastoral and Matrimonial Renewal. Read more.

EHL Conference 2014 and The Emotionally Healthy Leader

This year’s Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference will be different this May for a number of reasons. First, I’ve been intensely writing my new learnings since 2007 in a new book called The Emotionally Healthy Leader that will be released in early 2015.  I have narrowed it down to four critical areas that must be established (i.e. our inner life) if we are going to lead our churches well (i.e. our outer life). These reflections, tested over the past seven years, will inform our conference.  The outline is as follows: Your Inner LifeChapter 2    Face Your ShadowChapter 3    Lead out of Your Marriage or SinglenessChapter 4    Slow Down for Loving UnionChapter 5    Practice Sabbath DelightYour Outer LifeChapter 5     Planning and Decision MakingChapter 6     Culture and Team BuildingChapter 7     Community and Dual RelationshipsChapter 8.    Endings and New Beginnings (A Case Study of Succession) Secondly, God has led Geri and I into other new content around leading out of your marriage. Read more.

The 4 Questions in “Christian” Decision Making

Christian leaders ask 4 “beneath-the-iceberg” questions before making important decisions and plans: 1. How might my shadow be impacting my decisions/plan? Is this about me proving something? Am I looking for validation from others? Is this about my own ambition? Am I free from my anxieties, disordered desires, and unhealthy attachments? Do I need to talk with a trusted friend first? 2. What impact will this decision have on God’s call for me to lead out of my marriage or singleness? Will this lead to a diminishment in my oneness and closeness with my spouse or enhance it? As a single leader, will this decision hurt my closest, delightful relationships and ability to have a joyful life outside of work? 3. Am I making this decision from a non-anxious, anchored place of loving union with Jesus? Is there a sense that I am striving or making something happen? Am I abiding in Jesus (John 15:1-5). Read more.

The 4 Questions in "Christian" Decision Making

Christian leaders ask 4 “beneath-the-iceberg” questions before making important decisions and plans: 1. How might my shadow be impacting my decisions/plan? Is this about me proving something? Am I looking for validation from others? Is this about my own ambition? Am I free from my anxieties, disordered desires, and unhealthy attachments? Do I need to talk with a trusted friend first? 2. What impact will this decision have on God’s call for me to lead out of my marriage or singleness? Will this lead to a diminishment in my oneness and closeness with my spouse or enhance it? As a single leader, will this decision hurt my closest, delightful relationships and ability to have a joyful life outside of work? 3. Am I making this decision from a non-anxious, anchored place of loving union with Jesus? Is there a sense that I am striving or making something happen? Am I abiding in Jesus (John. Read more.

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