Tag Archives: relationship

How Healthy Is Your Experience of Living Out of Loving Union With Jesus?

Just as Jesus lived in a relaxed, loving union with the Father, we are invited to a similar relationship with him. “If you remain in me as I remain in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). He promises that if we do this, “fruit” always follows. Jesus doesn’t say that we cannot do things without him. He doesn’t say that we can’t lead or build a ministry without him. He does say that, unless these behaviors flow out of a relationship of loving union with him, they are worth nothing. I name God’s invitation to us loving union. Love captures the way we remain. Union speaks to the depth of the connection. It is helpful to think of the level of our loving union on a continuum that ranges from 1-10. Use the brief assessment that follows to get an idea of where you fall on. Read more.

Seven Ways to Measure Transformation in Your Church

We measure our attendance and our giving in our churches. Sadly, we don’t measure people’s transformation in Christ. (This is much more difficult). Genuine transformation takes place when people: Intentionally develop their own relationship with Jesus and do not live off the spirituality of others. Seek to discern and follow God’s will in all areas of life. Cultivate a deliberate rhythm and sustainable pace of life that enables them to be consistently attentive to Jesus. Grow in their ability to love well, evidenced by humility, vulnerability, approachability, and an increasing capacity to forgive. Live in community for the sake of their own formation and others. Bear witness to Jesus Christ in their workplaces and homes out of their own on-going transformation. Serve and give to others out of the overflow of their life in Christ. This is my short list. What other markers might you add?

The False Self

The false self is pretending, consciously or unconsciously, to be somebody you are not. Defensive and superficial, it severely limits our relationships and our effective witness for Christ. The following is a brief inventory to determine how much of a mask, or false self, you are wearing: I sometimes say “yes” when I really prefer to say “no.” I often need to be approved by others to feel good about myself. I often remain silent in order to avoid conflict. When I make mistakes, I feel like a failure. At times, I compromise my own values and principles to avoid looking weak or foolish. My self-image soars with complements and is crushed by criticism. I do for others, at times, what they can and should do for themselves. I am fearful and reluctant to take risks. I often go along with what others want rather than “rock the boat.” I compare myself a lot. Read more.

The 4 Questions in “Christian” Decision Making

Christian leaders ask 4 “beneath-the-iceberg” questions before making important decisions and plans: 1. How might my shadow be impacting my decisions/plan? Is this about me proving something? Am I looking for validation from others? Is this about my own ambition? Am I free from my anxieties, disordered desires, and unhealthy attachments? Do I need to talk with a trusted friend first? 2. What impact will this decision have on God’s call for me to lead out of my marriage or singleness? Will this lead to a diminishment in my oneness and closeness with my spouse or enhance it? As a single leader, will this decision hurt my closest, delightful relationships and ability to have a joyful life outside of work? 3. Am I making this decision from a non-anxious, anchored place of loving union with Jesus? Is there a sense that I am striving or making something happen? Am I abiding in Jesus (John 15:1-5). Read more.

The 4 Questions in "Christian" Decision Making

Top 12 Signs of Being in "Loving Union"

Jesus’ leadership flowed from a deep centeredness of loving union with his Father. His activity flowed from a total dependence and unceasing communion with him. He invites us to a similar relationship with him: “If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John15:5). I call this loving union. Love captures the way we remain. Union speaks to the depth of the connection. Top 12 signs I am in loving union with Jesus 1. I am relaxed and unhurried. 2. I am deeply aware of God’s great love. 3. I appreciate and love one person at a time. 4. I am content amidst suffering and setbacks. 5. I praise and promote others easily and joyfully. 6. I am generous with my time, money, and gifts. 7. I listen for God’s voice and will throughout the day. 8. I forgive and let go. Read more.

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