The Statistics Are Staggering:
Since meeting Ted Roberts, founder of Pure Desire Ministries www.puredesire.org a few months ago, I have been conducting an informal survey with pastors, leaders, and others to determine if above statistics are true. Sadly I am now convinced they are. I spent time with Ted Roberts in person this past weekend. I was challenged and sobered once again at the enormous challenge we are confronting in our sexually charged and addicted culture – both outside and inside the church. In particular, it was shocking and painful to listen to trends among teens and young people. We are in a crisis and it is only growing worse. What most impressed about his approach is that it moves beyond the “try harder” to quit sexual addiction. It actually addresses the issues of damaged neuro-pathways of the brain and the gut-wrenching shame that accompanies sexual addiction. Combined with the power of the Holy Spirit, Roberts is bringing together an approach to freedom that is serious, long-term and church based. Check out his website and books Pure Desire and Sexy Christians.
How severe do you believe the problem to be in the church and culture? And what do you believe it will take to address this?
As we are in the process of doing our annual job reviews at New Life Fellowship, I have been struck anew by the need to include in our job descriptions that our number one task is to love God, ourselves and our spouses (if applicable). Out of a “cup that runs over,” we offer the life of Jesus to those whom we serve. What else do we have to give? When we overextend ourselves, we grow resentful, love with a “human love,” lose our passion and gradually hear His voice less clearly. The fruit is short-lived. The reason this is so challenging for us (and I begin with myself) is it touches the core of our relationship with God. Limits touch my desire to do my will, not His, to rebel rather than surrender, to keep going rather than stop. Adam and Eve crossed God’s limits in eating from the tree in the Garden. And it was a disaster! God is on the throne and is running His world, not me. What limits has God placed around you as a gift today? What adjustments is He inviting you to make in order that you might live from a cup that runs over (Ps. 23)? “A man can receive only what is given him from heaven” (John 3:27).
Leadership is sacred, holy work before God. Whether it be leadership of our own lives, our churches, our famlies or our finances, it is a challenge to mature through the walls and challenges that confront us. It is easier to remain in anxiety, ruminate needlessly, or become reactive when we are stuck. This happened to me recently at New Life around a complex administrative issue before us. As a result I returned to the following simple,but difficult, emotionally healthy skill called, “Bust through the Wall to Maturity.” After working the simple steps below, over many hours and days, God’s pathway became clear. And I found myself flourishing before Him once again. Give it a try: 1. Identify one specific situation about which you have anxiety or feel stuck. 2. To what conclusions might you be jumping? Pass what you think to be true through the “distorted thinking” lens. Ask yourself: Am I doing… 3. What is your goal? What do you want? 4. What are the steps you need to take to reach that goal (Be as specific as possible)? 5. Put them in sequential order. 6. Think through how long it will take to do these steps. What will you need to stop doing/starting doing to ensure you have the time/bandwidth to actually do these step. 7. Do the steps – even when your temptation is to rush or be reactive. Remaining focused on the goal and planning does not cure anxiety but it sure does calm it! To do this process, before the Lord, is holy, powerful work. What do you think? What variation has helped you?
While most of them had read Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (translated into Russian a year and half ago) and done the workbook, we were unprepared for how clueless we were regarding the culture. I had read of their history but that was quite different from hearing their stories. It was only in 1861 that the slaves were set free. That included 70%-80% of the population at that time. The Bolshevik Revolution began in 1917 when most of the middle/upper classes were killed and communism began under Lenin/Stalin (1921). Stalin killed 30-35 million of his own people over the next 30 years. WW2 then killed another 20 million. When the miracle of the former Soviet Union collapse happened in 1991, 12 different countries resulted (now called Eurasia). The pain, grief and scars of their stories run deeper than anything we have heard. A sadness and sense of suffering hovers over the culture. As one Russian told me, “The entire system was set up to annihilate our humanity and suppress our feelings. And you think we are just going to explore our anger and sadness?” Incarnational listening reminded one participant of a KGB interrogation! And distrust of authority after years of deception (that was us in this case) contributed to their cynicism towards us as Westerners. Initially, I initially found them resistant and was ready to pack up and go home. Translating everything through a translator into Russian also complicated contextualizing EHS to their context. It wasn’t until our fourth day that God broke through quite miraculously. Part of this related to us hearing and understanding their stories. Imagine a young woman sharing with us from her genogram that 90% of the women married in her extended family were kidnapped against their will (Kyrgystan). Three of the women from Kyrgystan then sat us down for lunch to tell us the incredible stories of what life is like for women in their country, asking if we could help train the pastors so this horror could be stopped. It was hard to believe. The economic poverty was also surprising (2nd World economies). Clearly a long road is before them. One staff shared that Moldova had 5 million people 2 years ago. Now there are only 3.5 million. The rest have fled for a better life in the West. It was amazing that EHS is being used in places like Siberia and the Ukraine. We heard wonderful testimonies of changed lives. We also were deeply moved by the power of Christ in the lives of so many. We were particularly impressed with some who witness and serve under repressive political situations. Two staff shared with me that their phones are tapped by the government. Another city has a university group of 100 students that gathers under the guise of birthday parties! Their willingness to sacrifice comforts in order to bring Christ to others challenged us. Like the Israelites coming out of 400 years of slavery, so the church in Eurasia is slowly emerging. There is an enormous in this part of the world. Training coaches and trainers for pastors is critical. A Russian publisher was at the conference who will hopefully translate The Emotionally Healthy Church (2010 edition, Zondervan) and the Church-wide Kit of WCA. We return touched by God and having fallen in love with the people. Will we go back? I am not sure. It is evident that Emotionally Healthy Spirituality is a powerful paradigm for the church in places like Eurasia. The question will be to discern the particular parts of the world where God has raised up people who desire to take this message to their particular culture and context. Hopefully we at NLF and EHS can then serve them and the larger church. Thank you for your prayers.
The Rule of St. Benedict teaches us about the value of stability, that is, staying in one community over the long-haul. I have been in the New Life Fellowship Church community in Queens (www.newlifefellowship.org) for over 23 years. A lot transpires in 23 years. I have wanted to quit the community more than once and run. I am glad, by God’s grace, that I did not. My failures, weaknesses, mistakes and sins over these years have all been lived out in our fellowship. I love and am grateful for the opportunity to learn and to be part of such a rich, wonderful group of people. The following is a short video of our past year that we showed at our annual meetings of members last Sunday afternoon. I thought you might enjoy it:
NLF Highlights 2009-2010 from New Life Fellowship Plus on Vimeo.
Reading broadly is foundational to growing and providing good leadership. I love reading and am usually in 3-6 books at a time. They inform my development and preaching. The following is my answer to the question I have often been asked: Where do you find such unique, different kinds of books to read? The following are my 10 top sources for books: 1. Magazines and newspapers that review books – e.g. Books and Culture, Sojourners, NY Times Book Review, Oprah, USA today, Time, Newsweek, Atlantic Monthly. A Books and Culture article, for example, led me to read 2 books on prisons recently that profoundly impacted me. 2. Bookstores – Used and new, anywhere and everywhere. I love walking around, looking for anything that strikes my interest. 3. Libraries. I wander the aisles, looking at new arrivals, history, biographies. 4. Friends, mentors, therapists, other leaders – I ask them what they are reading and what has impacted them. For example, a counselor friend recommended the impact of neuroscience research on her work a couple of years ago. This led me to a number of works. 5. Evangelical, Catholic and Orthodox publishers. I scan what they are publishing, particularly IVP (formatio), Brazos, Zondervan, Nelson, Ascension Press, Ignatius Press. 6. Monasteries. They carry unique kinds of books, and are often reading things very different from my tradition. For example, Father Dominic from a Trappist monaster recommended to me the works of Joseph Pieper on Thomas Aquinas last fall and I am on my third Pieper book. 7. University and Seminary publications which recommend books. Between the seminaries I have been associated with (Fuller, Gordon-Conwell, Eastern) and colleges my daughters attended (Messiah College, City University of NY, SUNY Buffalo), I get a lot of very good ideas for books. I am about to take Andre Agassi’s autobiography out of the library due to a prof’s review of the book. 8. Geri, friends, fellow-staff, and mentors. Geri is a reader. Scott, a friend of mine, has recommended more than one great church history text to me. I look at syllabus’ from courses people take in D. Min and Masters’ programs – regardless of the field, be it theological, leadership, public health, MBA programs, economics, sociology, or psychology. 9. Footnotes from books I enjoy. I actually look at the sources for good writer’s information and then read them. Leighton Ford’s book, The Attentive Life, for example, led me to Simon Weil on attentiveness. 10. Novels from libraries, friends and my extended family. There are certain topics which I am always reading about – reconciliation, application of monastacism to the 21st century, emotional health/marriage/sexuality, spiritual formation, church history. But ultimately, I seek to be sensitive to God and His leading into my reading. What other sources might you add to my list?
I recently finished Ruth Haley Barton’s Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry (IVP,2008). I enjoyed it thoroughly and found a number of valuable insights for my own leadership at New Life. I recommend it to you. One unique insight was to clearly articulate the values of your leadership team as you enter into challenging, difficult discussions. The following is my first draft for our NLF staff team (Her team’s can be found on pp.176-178 of her book). 1. Personal Spiritual Transformation – We consistently labor to maintain balance in our lives as leaders, ensuring that we have time for prayer, rest, healthy relationships (play) and work. Our rhythms are our first work and foundational for both our lives and leadership. 2. Community – We are a microcosm of the larger New Life and seek to maintain and build unity in our relationships as Christ did with the Twelve. While the work itself can easily distract us away from this, we labor to slow down for healthy relationships between us. 3. Discernment – We are committed to the discipline of discerning God’s will among us. We bring this to our strategic planning/thinking process and are committed to the time needed for this. We seek to intentionally bring the gifts of the examen process (consolations and desolations) to our decision-making. 4. Truth-Telling –“We believe all truth, no matter now delicate or painful, or seemingly inconsequential, contributes to the discernment process.” The Holy Spirit is the author of all truth and we resist exaggerations, denial and our fears. We are committed to both the data before us and hearing God together. 5. Spiritual Warfare – We remember that we are in a battle with demonic powers and principalities that seek to destroy and divide the work of God in and among us. We recognize there are seasons of great intensity when we are under great pressure. So we commit to support one another and “not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:27). 6. Brokenness and Vulnerability – We affirm God’s power is made perfect in weakness. We acknowledge our need to self-confront and do our own work so that we can create safety in conversations foundational for healthy life together. 7. Celebration – We believe celebration is critical, and we look for every opportunity to note God’s grace and activity among us. 8. Kindness – We treat one another as image bearers, seeking to be kind to one another and to others as we lead. 9. Grieving – We affirm our humanity and the challenge of the unique losses that come to us in our life together in leadership. We aim to give ourselves space for this, both personally and as a group. We choose to humbly learn from our mistakes and wait on God through that process. 10. Limits – In carrying out the mission, we gladly embrace our God-given limits as His gift. We seek to remain prayerful around God’s will as opportunites present themselves to us. At the same time, there are times God places limits before us that we are called to break through. Again, we recognize the discernment process in this. 11. Conflict as Means for Transformation - We will have conflict and disagreements in our life together. Difficult, challenging times around staff roles, future directions, and key decisions are inevitable. We remain committed to grow into emotionally mature adults, embracing these challenges before God’s presence, remembering this is one of God’s primary means to mature us. What might you add? Delete?
What might it mean for the leadership of a church or ministry to embrace the lamenting of loss as part of her life together? What might it mean for your life or mine? I have spent the last two weeks absorbed in the book of Lamentations, reading, meditating, pondering, and praying the words of Jeremiah as my own. The exercise was transformative and, yes, quite painful. What is most interesting is that in I have written chapters on grief and loss in two different books. Yet I felt like I was approaching the theme for the first time. What did God show me anew? 1. Both the love of God and suffering are foundational paths to genuine transformation. Suffering opens us up uniquely to God, ourselves and others, forcing us to slow down and reflect. I have missed transforming moments from God, both personally and for New Life, because of my unwillingness to remain in the losses. I want to move on as quickly as possible to the next “new thing” from God. In doing so I miss the next “new thing” from God. 2. Loss and suffering must be swallowed and not simply tasted. Jeremiah swallows the suffering and loss of Jerusalem’s destruction in 586 BC. He allows the loss to do God’s work in and through him. I prefer to taste my losses and not swallow /digest them. That takes time alone with God, reflection, and thoughtfulness. It is very hard, if not impossible, to do that while busy and distracted. Two weeks ago I lead a strategic leadership day with some of our staff poorly. I rushed and violated my own values around integrating prayer and the contemplative into our planning. I also failed to listen to consolations and desolations for guidance throughout our time together. I left the day filled with regrets and exhaustion. As I grieve that minor loss before God, the “hard to swallow” riches continue to flow. God continues to speak to me about me, about Him, and about how He wants to guide and work in New Life. 3. The amount of time needed to wait in the “confusing in-between” of loss is much longer than I care to admit. The unrelenting demands and needs of others can obscure the precious gifts of God has for us in the losses and setbacks He allows. Slowly unpacking these gifts takes a lot of time. The implication of living a theology of grief and loss for leaders is far reaching. What else do you think must die for us to embrace the lamenting of loss as part of our lives –both individually and corporately?
One of the more significant pieces of feedback I received from our Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference 2010 came out of the pre-conference on the leaders’s marriage. The following video contains Geri and I taking 25-30 minutes to provide a short summary of a biblical foundation for the pastor’s/leader’s marriage. As one pastor remarked, “In twenty five years of pastoring, I have never heard that our leadership is to flow out of our marriage. It was a shock!”
Enjoy:
Intro to the EH Leadership Conf – 04.29.10 from New Life Fellowship on Vimeo. Pastor Pete & Geri Scazzero introduce the 2010 Emotionally Healthy Leadership Conference.  You can click on the image above for more pictures from our conference.
What are your Thoughts? Perspectives?
Last week at our NLF monthly teaching team meeting (Drew Hyun, Rich Villodas, Geri Scazzero and myself), I summarized our learnings over the last two years. I am convinced that training and developing teachers/preachers is essential for the future of the church. This process has been a great learning experience for us. And I pray we are laying a foundation to develop other communicators for the future of the church – both inside and outside New Life. Many of you who read this blog are in a teaching role of leadership – whether it be preaching, teaching classes, leading small groups or worship, doing retreats or providing spiritual leadership. The following summary has applications, I believe, for a variety of settings beyond preachers/teachers:
What might you add/delete to this list? How might you apply this if you are the sole preacher as I was for the first nineteen years of New Life? |
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Geri and I returned from the Ukraine today after a week of training over 100 IFES staff working on university campuses throughout the 12 countries of the former Soviet Union (e.g. Russia, Kyrgystan, Belarus, Tajikistan, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Moldova, Ukraine, Khakistan).
